I had my last working day before my vacation. No work for two weeks.

We are not going to travel (as it is too expensive), but it will be nice, to just relax.

"Inspired" by kaya's report about the birth of her granddaughter, I might write about the day I delivered my son.
But not today. I'm already tired and going to bed.


~Isis

I just love it!
It's with german subtitles.
www.youtube.com/v/psvL2eYQ7YM&hl=de&fs=1

It's holiday-time here in the most part of Germany, which means, that there are less people on the bus and in the tram - which is good.

But it also means, that only a few people call us and need some advice. So my job really gets boring. I have to call some of our clients as well, but a lot of them seem to be on vacation or they are all sitting in their gardens, enjoying the sun.

It was up to 31°C last week, which was too hot.  There was a lot of rain yesterday, there will be rain today and I hope, that the temperature won't
raise above 25°C when it gets better. 25°C really is enough.

I had one doc appointment last week (the dermatologist) and one yesterday (my family doctor). As I reacted allergic to Ibuprofen after taken it for 12 years, my doc had to change the meds. So now I take Metamizol. I still do have pain, it won't go away, so I just have to take the pills.
My doc also suggested that I should have a coloscopy, as my dad died of colon-cancer. You never know if there's a genetic cause for it, and he said, he would do it if it was his dad - so I'm gonna call another doctor this week to make an appointment.

My son is enjoying his holiday. He loves to sleep in and going to bed later. Must be great to be a kid...;)

~Isis

Tonight my little boy said:"Mom, there was a star outside last night, and you know what? It surely was grandpa!" I just nodded and said that it maybe was is grandpa and that his grandpa would've smiled for sure for seeing his grandchild. "Yes, and I will look for him again tonight!"

So, my son is doing well. He knew that my fahter was very ill. My son cried several times for some days, but as he believes, that my dad is in heaven right now and surely has no pain, he's okay with it.

Everybody's talking about Michael Jackson's untimely death. Everybody in this world, as it seems. Even in our very very very serious (I mean superreallytotally serious) news show Michael Jackson's death was the headline! The last time this news show started with such news, it was in 1997 when Princess Diana died in that stupid car crash (I mean, dying because your seat-belt is not fixed? How stupid and how senseless is that?).
Everybody who ever had a word with Mr. Jackson is interviewed, everybody has to say something, as it seems.

I wasn't a fan, I loved the "Thriller"-Album though. And I think, as many other people do, that Michael Jackson was a very tragic figure and lonely person. I hope that he found his peace right now.

Sorry for the kids. It must be hard to lose a parent at this very young age.


~Isis

What a surprise! Our son was at school, I had a day off and I certainly didn't expect to have sex that day. But sometimes my hubby really surprises me, and before I knew, we had great sex - at noon! It was good, really.

After that, we just put our clothes on, went shopping and our son came home from school.

I really nice morning, just how it should be.

Summerholiday started here yesterday. Six very long weeks. Good thing is, there won't be kids in the bus and the train. Bad thing is that our beloved son won't go to bed before 9:30 a.m. and that does mean that he won't sleep before 11 a.m. (and that's really optimistic!!!).
I hope we will find some activities that make him tired...;)

~Isis

This is may third attempt to revive my blog. I have no idea why, but when I start once again, I lose my interest in blogging very soon.
I hope I will write regularly this time. *shrugmyshoulders*

Lots of things in my life have changed.
The biggest thing happening was my father's death this month. He was 68 years old.
He died of cancer, which he was diagnosed with two years ago. The first operation was a success, the doctors didn't find any sign of metastases (or is it filiae in english?), all his lymphatic nods they removed have been okay, and as he felt better after his operation and his rehab, we thought that he was lucky this time.
But in the fall of 2008, he lost weight very fast, couldn't eat and was admitted to the hospital again. The doctors were not sure what they saw on all the pics they've taken, the ultrasound did show something, as did the CAT scan and the gastroscopy. So they decided to make a laparatomy once again.
They didn't find bleeding ulcers (as we all hoped), but another carcinoma. After the operation, my father was advised to have a chemotherapy. He denied.
He was so weak after his stay in hospital, that he thought he wouldn't celebrate christmas - but after some weeks, he gained weight, felt better - and we all wanted to believe that this was it.

It wasn't. He was taken to the hospital in April this year with a weight of less than 60 kilograms (and he was 1,85m tall). The doctors couldn't do anything, but he stayed there for several weeks. We are sure, that our father didn't tell us everything he knew about his condition, but it was so clearly visible for everyone that he was very, very ill. A chemotherapy was an option, but as he was so weak there was no sense in doing it - it would have killed him earlier and cause him pain, nausea and all these things that come with chemo.

So he came home in May, my hubby, our son and I visited him a few days later, and he died just 36 hours after we left for home.

It's hard to live in a world without dad, but it's okay that he didn't have to suffer too bad. His last weeks were hard enough for him and my mom.

Well, mom - she's fine so far. She was with him in his final hours, and as she never witnessed someone else's death before, she was overwhelmed and overextended. Mom is really brave. She misses him a lot (they were married for 40 years!), but she is glad that his suffering stopped. She tells me nearly every day on the phone, that she thinks several times a day "He's coming home soon" or that she reads something in the newspaper and thinks "I gotta tell Tom about this". That's pretty normal and okay.

Other news are:
- I have finished my job-training with really high marks (most of them a 1, which is an A in the US) and was the best of my course.
- I have a new job as an adviser or counselor. People who have questions about our care system or how to apply for help from their health-care or how to find a good nursing home - they come to us and we try to help them. Most of the time they just need to talk. But the salary is a really bad joke, so money has become rare and very valuable.
- My hubby and I are on good terms, even better than that. I just lowered my expectations a lot, and now it works most of the time. Especially since he has a new hobby. We still love each other, but we don't need to spend too much time together.
- My sleeping disorder - is still there, I'm still dependent on zolpidem and my neurologist tries to wean me from it.
- I have met a very interesting man, who isn't interested in me; he has no idea what he is missing. ;)


So, that's all for now.

~Isis

I didn't blog for a long time, although a lot of things happened.

My job training began last July and will end in April. I've learned alot, like psychology of communication, methods of counseling, about our social security laws and ethical issues. I also met some very interesting people.

Leaving the house at 6:30 a.m. and be back at 5 p.m. means that I have really long days in school. I love it to learn new things, but it's also very exhausting. There are a lot of people who haven't heard from me since I started this job training.
But I have a new job already, I will work as an adviser in an office where people go to when they need advice concerning care at home or some help like "Who could go shopping for me" and things like this. We have a network where people offer their service. It's interesting.

My father had another operation because the doctors found one metastasis. He still doesn't want to have chemotherapy, so we just hope, that he will be as healthy as possible for a long time.

My marriage - well, it was up and down for the last couple of months. I wanted to go, I didn't wanted to go. I thought it was all hopeless, I thought it wasn't hopeless.
I didn't go, we are still together and our sex life has improved so far. We had sex 6 or 8 times last year, this year we already had sex 3 times. It's still not waht I really want, but we're trying our best.

Our son is growing and growing. He's already 1,53m and the doctor says, he will probably reach 1,85m when he's done with growing. Our son will leave groundschool this year and attend comprehensive school. It's very exciting for him - and us as well.


Oh, I will watch the Oscars tomorrow! I love it, but I could not watch last year. This year I was able zo keep this day free from all duties, because it's already 2 a.m. when the show begins, so I can't sleep this night when I'm watching it, and going to work without sleep isn't a good idea.
I hope, Mickey Rourke will not win, because it just would be ridiculous. I loved him in his earlier days but now he's just a victim of plastic surgery and no good actor at all.
No moving parts in your face, no acting. That's my opinion.
So, this was it for now. Maybe I will find some time to blog in the next few days.

Bye
~Isis

Top 100 movies. Bold the ones you've seen and add three at the end.

1. CITIZEN KANE (1941)
2. CASABLANCA (1942)
3. THE GODFATHER (1972)
4. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
5. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962)
6. THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939)
7. THE GRADUATE (1967)
8. ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)
9. SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993)
10. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)

11. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)
12. SUNSET BOULEVARD (1950)
13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957)
14. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)
15. STAR WARS (1977)
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17. THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
18. PSYCHO (1960)
19. CHINATOWN (1974)
20. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)
21. THE GRAPES OF WRATH (1940)
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
23. THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)
24. RAGING BULL (1980)
25. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982)
26. DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)
27. BONNIE AND CLYDE (1967)
28. APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)
29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
30. THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)
31. ANNIE HALL (1977)
32. THE GODFATHER PART II (1974)
33. HIGH NOON (1952)
34. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962)
35. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934)
36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969)
37. THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES (1946)
38. DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)
39. DOCTOR ZHIVAGO (1965)
40. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)
41. WEST SIDE STORY (1961)
42. REAR WINDOW (1954)
43. KING KONG (1933)
44. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)
45. A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951)
46. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)
47. TAXI DRIVER (1976)
48. JAWS (1975)
49. SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)
50. BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)
51. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY (1940)
52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953)
53. AMADEUS (1984)
54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930)
55. THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
58. FANTASIA (1940)
59. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955)
60. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
61. VERTIGO (1958)
62. TOOTSIE (1982)
63. STAGECOACH (1939)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)
65. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)
66. NETWORK (1976)
67. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962)
68. AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (1951)
69. SHANE (1953)
70. THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)
71. FORREST GUMP (1994)
72. BEN-HUR (1959)
73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939)
74. THE GOLD RUSH (1925)
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
76. CITY LIGHTS (1931)
77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78. ROCKY (1976)
79. THE DEER HUNTER (1978)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
83. PLATOON (1986)
84. FARGO (1996)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933)
86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935)
87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951)
93. THE APARTMENT (1960)
94. GOODFELLAS (1990)
95. PULP FICTION (1994)
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
97. BRINGING UP BABY (1938)
98. UNFORGIVEN (1992)
99. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER (1967)
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)

103. SPACE COWBOYS (2000)
104. THE FIFTH ELEMENT (1997)
105. DOWNFALL - DER UNTERGANG (2004)

So I saw a very interesting documentary on tv tonight. It was about people who live without sex - two couples and a single woman.

One couple is now together for 15 years, they are in their late fourties now. They had a "normal" relationship for 5 years but than their relationship changed. They just stopped having sex because they found out that it wasn't important to them any more. Their affection for each other has become more mentally. I had the impression that they are very caring with each other, they still sleep in the same bed together. And both said that they have the closest friendship they ever experienced. The man said, that the day has 24 hours and sex would take not more than 1 hour per day; so the rest of the day is more important. Both have no need for sex. As the woman was asked if she had a need towards other men, she laughed and said, if she had no sex with the man she lives with why should she have sex with other men who don't mean anything to her?

The second couple was much younger, in their late twenties. They are a couple for two years and sex just stopped six months ago. She had a mental crisis some years ago (sounded like a deep depression) and she's taking drugs which cause this frigidity. She doesn't feel any need or passion, although she loves her boyfriend. He tries to cope with this situation and doesn't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. They both hope that she will one day be able to leave these drugs and live a happy life. He loves her as well and gives her all the time she needs. Both have plans to marry and have children one day.

The single woman was approximately 50 and divorced. She had a big house and enough money to live her life the way she wants to, one of her hobbies is collecting italian design lamps. In the interview she admitted that she needs to do things the way she wants to - e.g. she told about her morning ritual: She eats her bun every morning the same style, drinks a special coffee and reads her newspaper sitting in bed and no one is allowed to disturb her during this long breakfast in any way. Since her two kids are nearly adults, no one is talking before 10 a.m. And nobody is allowed to read her newspaper before she is completely done with it.
She said she had enough passion in her life and that it is not easy to find a man who accepts all her idiosyncrasies but she doesn't miss a partner or sex at all. She's happy with her life, that's all she needs.

I saw this documentary by coincidence and called U. as it began. He watched it for two minutes, said "Ah, they don't have sex as well?" and then went back to the computer room to play with his new toy - a GPS device he bought today.
Yes, it's new and it's interesting and all - but, hell, I really wanted him to watch this with me, 'cause I really hoped that this might get him to talk with me about it. But as always - he doesn't want to talk about it. *sigh*
Life's unfair!!!

But this day had good things as well.
First, I slept last night for a bit more than 4 hours!!! Hooray!!!!
Second, I met A., as it was wednesday (you know, meeting day). It was good to talk to him, although it was mostly about work and politics - but he listens to me and he never forgets to ask how I am, if I have pain or something like that.
Life can be good, sometimes....;)

~Isis

Another meme - I start to love them. ;)

1)What time did you get up this morning?
I just stayed awake - since yesterday 5 p.m.

2)Diamonds or pearls?
I 'd like to have diamonds...

3) What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
"Star Trek 9 - Resurrection" - that was in 1999

4 ) What is your favorite TV show?
"CSI" (Las Vegas only - I love William Petersen's character!) and "Goodbye Deutschland - Die Auswanderer" (The Emigrants - a documentary series about people who leave Germany).

5 ) What did you have for breakfast?
Cappuccino and cigarettes.

6 ) What is your middle name?
I don't have any.

7 ) What is your favorite food?
Pasta and Pizza and chocolate. of course.

8 ) What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Beer, Baileys, Wine.

9 ) What is your favorite Potato chip?
Crunchips - I think it's a german brand.

10 ) What is your favorite CD?
U2 "The Unforgettable Fire", "The Best of Police"

11 ) What kind of car do you drive?
I don't drive, but we have a Daihatsu Feroza, a small 4x4

12 ) What is your favorite sandwich?
Sandwich isn't such a big thing here.

13 ) Favorite item of clothing?
Jeans and T-Shirts


14 ) If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
Sydney and Beijing. But I don't wanna stay there forever.

15 ) What color is your bathroom?
Kinda beige and brown.

16 ) Favorite brand of clothing?
Don't have any


17 ) Where would you want to retire to?
My own house.


18 ) Favorite time of day?
Bed time

19 ) Where were you born?
Cologne, Northrhine-Westphalia, Germany

20 ) Who do you least expect to do this meme?
Don't know

21 ) Person you expect to do it first?
See above

22 ) What type of detergent do you use?
Maxitrat Tabs - german brand

23 ) Coke or Pepsi?
Coke

24 ) Are you a morning person or night owl?
Night owl - definitely

25 ) What size shoe do you wear?
37-38 in german, it's 5-6 in the USA. Depends on the shoes

26 ) Do you have pets?
One cat.

27 ) Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everyone?
No news.

28 ) Favorite hobby?
Reading and listening to music.

29 ) Favorite Candy Bar?
Caramel choc

30 ) What is your best childhood memory?
Longs walks with my father,  we talked a lot.

31 ) Different jobs you have had in your life?
Nurse aid, than nurse.

32 ) What color underwear are you wearing?
Right now blue.


33 ) Nicknames?
Bunny sometimes. My hubby used to call me little star, but that stopped some years ago.

34 ) Piercing?
Four in my right earlobe.

35 ) Ever been to Africa?
No

36 ) Ever been toilet papered?
No


37 ) Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes

38 ) Favorite season?
Spring

39 ) Croutons or bacon bits?
Neither

40 ) Favorite day of the week?
Wednesday.

41 ) Favorite restaurant?
Italian.

42 ) Favorite flower?
Hydrangea

43 ) Favorite ice cream?
Häagen Dasz Pecan Caramel Cream (I always forget the right name of it)

44 ) Disney or Warner Brothers?
Neither

45 ) Favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonald's - one or two times a year.

46 ) What color is your bedroom carpet?
Beige

47 ) How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
I don't have a driver license

48 ) Before this one, from whom did you get your last meme?
I always steal them from kaya's blog....*g*

49 ) Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Book and DVD store.

50 ) What do you do most often when you are bored?
Net surfing.

51 ) Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
I don't know.

52 ) Last person you went to dinner with?
Colleagues from our staff association.

53 ) Last book you read?
"Hannibal" by Thomas Harris - for the fourth time.


~Isis